No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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