Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
