sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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