I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
