as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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