You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
