Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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