she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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