question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found puke in my bra..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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