just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
