we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
