I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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