Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
