The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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