I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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