he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
