i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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