Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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