i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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