he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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