Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize