my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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