you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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