CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
