You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
