hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
