Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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