it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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