ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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