Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize