She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
