I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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