Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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