I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
