I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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