I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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