dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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It is literally 8 in the morning.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.