youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
her vagine was all disorganized.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?