Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.