so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever