my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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