five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
two words...techno handjob
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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