So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
