waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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