I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize