It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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