ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just pee around me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
