We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
