Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
