one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
