I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
