in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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