Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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