he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
