I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
