Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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