id be glad to
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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