we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
