He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
