69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
