I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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