You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
