So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
