I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
